Category Archives: Blog

Really? Part 4


I actually had to look up what number to make this post because I’ve written a few blogs with the “Really?” title.

I can’t help it. I see shit that just makes me think, really?

There are so many instances where I can snap a picture in public of something or someone, but my husband becomes my very own stun gun. I also use my loud pie hole to say a few things to rude people; this is when Dave just walks away from me pretending to be a complete stranger.

God, I love him.

I have to digress here for a moment. I saw a man who recently didn’t defend his wife during an altercation at a restaurant. I felt I needed to intervene, but I didn’t because the guy who was foul-mouthing the man’s wife was obviously much larger than me and he was drunk. Anyway, the wife’s husband did absolutely nothing. He would have been better off going to the damn bathroom to see if he still had his balls. His tiny, little, rabbit poop balls that were somehow shoved up his ass (along with his head), that he couldn’t defend his wife.

That was a really? moment.

Here are a few others:

bulgariancostumesThese are Bulgarian costumes for a pagan ritual. I can only imagine the super-rich using this as their version of the Penis Snuggie – Fur Style. But, I don’t think the super-rich are super-sized like this, if you know what I’m sayin’.

Personally, I’d like to see a home video of this pagan ritual. How do they see out of those things? They probably¬†only have one eye to see out of.

Get it?

I was getting ready for work the other day, and I recently bought some new eye-liner. I loved it so much I got a little carried away:

makeup

I know. It makes me look twenty years younger, doesn’t it?

I must say that my artistic talents have gone from canvas to skin in about thirty seconds FLAT. I did have a problem putting on my lipstick though because I couldn’t find my lips. This new makeup is also good camouflage if zebra hunters are after you.

Personally, I don’t know any zebra hunters–just an fyi…

If you ever meet a guy in a dark bar and he has a mustache, you may want to examine the mustache a littler closer–but that’s only if he hogs the entire conversation talking about Batman.

Listen, I know people are huge Star Trek fans or Star Wars fans, but if youbatmanmustache decide to make the decision to shave your mustache like the bat signal, all I can say is that you are completely bat-shit-crazy.

Besides, if you get a bloody nose, the red will drip down and really make that bat mustache life-like. Careful–it might fly off your face.

Where’d the bat signal go? Holy mustache from hell, Robin! We’ve got to find it–and fast!

To the Bat-Mobile!

You’ve been there. You had a great time on a Wednesday night and you have to be at work early the next day.

sleepingYou’re hung over. A shower didn’t help. The three cups of coffee with extra sugar didn’t help, but made you sick to your stomach, and all you can think of is your pillow and your blankie. This little contraption is good for situations like this, as well as for computer programmers who work for Google or Facebook, because you guys work 24/7 collecting all of our data and laughing about us behind our backs.

This allows you complete darkness and comfort at your own desk. It keeps your head and your hands warm, makes a comfy pillow, and your boss won’t even know it’s you inside of there.

Sweet dreams.

If I ever wore my hair like this, I would be dragging my head along the ground like an orangutan drags his knuckles. Now,kimono if everyone is aware of my hair, I could probably pull this off because I have A LOT of hair. But, I’m also allergic to bees, and I haven’t strengthened my neck muscles to hold up the sixty pounds of flowers that are probably glued to the sides of this chick’s head. She can pass as a float for the Rose Bowl Parade. Her neck must be killing her.

It must. I think she’s crying…

Lastly, just in time for Christmas…

When you don’t want the mess of a real tree, or you don’t want to spend the money on a pre-lit fake Christmas tree, you can remember what your parents always said to you when you kept harping on the fact that you were bored when you were younger:

Play with a cardboard box!

cardboard christmas treeYour cardboard box inventiveness came to good use as an adult, didn’t it? Amaze your friends and family with a cardboard Christmas tree. Your cat will hate it, the dogs won’t pee on it, and you can staple-gun the ornaments to the tree. Just make sure that the lights don’t set the cardboard on fire.

That would be bad.

 

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