It’s the Media’s Fault


I don’t understand my husband.

Does anyone understand their husbands?

He likes to watch the news, and this is not the problem. The problem is that he likes to watch the local news at 4:30, 5:00, localnewsthe national news at 5:30, and local news again at 6:00.

WTF?

It’s the same stories regurgitated over again. I’m thinking he’s afraid he’s going to miss a late-breaking story, and it’s not due to him being in the media field either. He’s just weird.

For myself, I can’t watch the news for two hours. It depresses me. It makes me think I should move to Switzerland. It makes me think that there are a lot of stupid people in this world. It makes me think I’m not the only one who thinks this. There are several emotions that run through my mind when I hear some news stories, so I’m taking a poll on this blog to see if your feelings are the same as mine.

If they aren’t, it looks like that standing reservation at the mental facility will be filled shortly.

Question 1: When you see “Jihad John” during all of the ISIS be-headings, do you feel:

A. Sad that a person who is now known to be someone from a prominent family in London has decided to kill people in such a barbaric manner? And, why would they want to put people’s death on national television for all to see? Because the media wants it, that’s why.

B. Shocked at the way human beings treat others’ because some people don’t believe in the same ideology? That’s so high-schoolish. It’s like saying if you don’t wear your hair a certain way, I’m going to beat you up after school and show you who’s boss. Or, if you’re not wearing the right shoes with that purse you’ll be hung in the school gym by the rope I was never able to climb, which, to me, was the stupidest thing I have ever witnessed in gym class. Climbing rope is not a requirement for growing up. Neither is geometry. Get over it.

C. Angry to the point of wishing you could put your fists through the television screen and magically punch Jihad John in the face? That would be cool. Can you imagine how many fists would go through television screens across the globe punching him in the face at the same time?

D. Complacent because you’ve now seen so many be-headings that it’s become commonplace. Pass the chips and dip.

Question 2: When  you saw Madonna falling off the stage the other night, did you feel:

A. Shocked and hoped that she was able to get back up on her feet, not miss a beat and keep on singing in true Madonna-ish fashion?

B. Angry and thinking that what happened to her was a conspiracy. You’re thinking that someone was probably watching too many be-headings on television and thought that a tight cape tied around her neck would cause the same result; still entertainment, with a little gruesome thrown in.

C. Sympathetic because you wore a cape the other day and got it caught in those rotating doors while you were trying to stop an evil villain from stealing a woman’s purse. You know how Madge feels. You go, girl.

Question 3: News Reporters. When you see them, you feel:

A. Distracted because the traffic girl on your local news has the biggest boobs you’ve ever seen since Dolly Parton. She’s not showing cleavage or flaunting the fact that she has big boobs. She doesn’t have to because they take up half the screen. You can’t pay attention to the fact that there was a tragic accident on the Eisenhower expressway with two people dead because you are fixated on her gigantic boobs.

B.Happy because you’re a guy who is watching the traffic girl with the huge boobs and you can only think of doing the “motor boat.”

C. Annoyed because some news reporters don’t know how to dress. I’m particularly concentrating on ties and necklaces. Some ties look like Rorschach patterns. Actually, some dresses that I see also look like this. I need to leave the room, otherwise there is a strong likelihood vomiting will occur. And, although I’ve seen some fabulous “statement piece” necklaces, some of them are so big that I’m thinking there will be a lot of cervical disectomy’s in the near future along with big red rashes that look like hickeys.

D. Angry. Two words: Rush Limbaugh.

Question 4: Winter storms. Do you feel:

A. Tired

B. Annoyed

C. Angry

D. All of the above

I think we can all agree that the answer to this is D. DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

thedressQuestion 5. #TheDress. Do you feel:

A. It’s white and gold?

B. It’s black and blue?

C. It’s completely pointless because there are starving children, be-headings, and poverty in the world, yet we are completely fixated on the color of a damn dress. It was the question that divided our great nation.

Yes, indeed.

For the record, 67% thought the dress was white and gold while 33% felt it was black and blue.

If you can even believe this fact, 21,000,000 people (Yes, I’m not kidding), sounded off on Twitter about #TheDress. The answer is that it’s black and blue, just like the black eye I’m going to give someone for starting this stupid conversation. Are there that many people out there who are color blind?