Really, Tampa? Quit Acting Like Children And Play Like Men


Forget about Caitlyn Jenner for a moment.

blackhawklogoThe Chicago Blackhawks are in the Stanley Cup Finals for the second time in three years. Yes, I’m a proud Blackhawk fan. Yes, I’m from Chicago.

Yes, the Mad House–as we proudly call it–allows the opposing teams’ fans to enter the stadium; yell and scream for their team while potential fist fights and banging on glass walls happen.

Oddly enough, Tampa Lightning–who will be playing the Blackhawks for the Cup starting Wednesday on their own turf–won’t allow fans who aren’t from Florida into the stadium.

Yes, you read that correctly. You can read it all here.

It’s pathetic.

It’s like the high school dress code has entered adulthood and the Principal in the sky box will kick your ass out if you’re not wearing Lightning apparel.

This policy is also ignorant. Lightning owners apparently don’t comprehend–outside of their Tampa bubble– that maybe there are Tampa residents–or Florida residents–who are Chicago Blackhawk fans.

Maybe people from Florida used to be from Chicago.

Maybe people from Florida hate Tampa Lightning because they are running scared and don’t want Chicago fans in their stadium to ruin their team “ju-ju.”

Here are some tips for the Tampa Lightning, or other considerations for a successful championship:

  • They should hire someone┬áto go into the arena and provide a consultation on Feng Shui. Maybe they can move the ice rink outside.
  • Provide all of the players with a rabbit foot and then have them shove it up their owners’ asses.
  • Provide all of the Lightning fans with lighters. When given a cue, everyone lights up their lighters and sings–in harmony–We are the Champions.
  • Have all the players run out onto the ice, lay flat on their backs, and make snow angels for good luck.
  • This idea will definitely bring them good luck: Provide ten women restrooms compared to two men’s restrooms.
  • Change the color of their uniforms from black, white and blue to just black and blue, because that’s what’s going to happen to them after the Blackhawks are done with them

Ooh. The last one would be back luck, wouldn’t it?

The only people the Tampa Lightning owners are fooling are themselves. I would imagine the players–if they had anything to say about it–would be pretty pissed off as well. I mean, these guys should thrive on competition; the yelling, screaming of opposing fans who just want a take a bite out of them and spit them out.

It would make anyone hungrier for a win, wouldn’t it?

Tampa is in for a surprise when they come to the Mad House.

They will be enthusiastically greeted by Jim Cornelison. There is no other venue on the planet who starts every game with the national anthem like the Chicago Blackhawks:

Chicago will gladly allow all Tampa fans to enter the Mad House on Madison. Believe it or not, we won’t even require you to wear Blackhawk jerseys!

Be yourself! Be proud of being a Tampa Lightning fan, because it won’t last for long.

Pussies!

GO BLACKHAWKS!!!!!